woman-dilemma

Struggling to bounce back after getting hurt: been there, done that, am I right? Let’s talk through the situation with a reader who’s feeling burnt by love.

She writes:

I was dating a guy for about six months. It was fun and romantic—we had shared dreams, even named our three imaginary kids! However, he would also often remind me that he just wasn’t ready for a relationship, but he was spending most of his free time with me. He would also say to me, “Relax, I’m not going anywhere” and even said he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. He would assure me that he wasn’t dating anyone else, nor did he want to, but then sometimes when it felt like things were really taking shape, he would remind me that “we were only dating” and he only wanted me “sometimes.” Are you confused yet? Because I was!

Eventually we broke up, which he laughed at because he didn’t think of us as together! He blamed me, saying I pushed him and didn’t give him enough space. I will admit that I got needy toward the end because I felt like none of my emotional needs were being met, and I was confused by his mixed messages! A lot of my friends think I gave a lot to a man who wasn’t committed, and this is true, but the mixed signals have terrified me to date again! Help!

Ouch. I’m sorry you had to go through this classic mixed-signals situation. I remember having similar experiences with guys when I was younger, and it sucked, big-time. But I think the good news is that you’ve already learned two valuable lessons that will help you move on and not be afraid to try to date other people.

Lesson #1: If a guy flat-out says he isn’t ready for a relationship, he’s not. Maybe that will change, maybe it won’t, but if it changes, he’ll say so. Don’t be fooled by him spending a lot of time with you or abstractly talking about the future. Take him at his word, and if a relationship is what you want, don’t stick with the guy who doesn’t.

Lesson #2: Having needs is not the same thing as being needy, and a guy should respect that. Sure, there’s a point where a person might be too clingy and insecure, but asking to have your emotional needs met doesn’t necessary make you that person. If a guy immediately gets all defensive and accusatory about your “neediness” any time you ask him to respect your feelings, it’s probably a good sign he doesn’t care about making you feel comfortable.

Even though I know this is hard to go through, try to think of it this way: In the grand scheme of things, six months isn’t that long. You tried, it didn’t work, and at least you didn’t spend years trying to change this guy. And now you’ve learned what to look for the next time you date a guy. There’s no guarantee you won’t get hurt again (unfortunately!), but every bad relationship teaches you what to avoid and what to look for in a good relationship. If the next guy you meet pulls the same mixed-message crap, you’ll know to walk away faster. So give yourself a little space to grieve, and then get back on the dating scene knowing you’re a little wiser and a lot more prepared to get what you want out of your next relationship. Wishing you all the best!

What other tips do you have for our reader? Have you ever been afraid to date again?

Dealing with hurt feelings:
*Ask a Guy: “Why Is a Guy Who Broke Up With Me Acting Hurt?”
*Ask an Expert: Is My Sadness After a Breakup Normal, or Is It Depression?
*Ask a Guy: “Why Does My Boyfriend Keep Making Comments About How His Exes Hurt Him?”

Photo: Thinkstock

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Collection prêt-a-porter осеннь-winter 13/14
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The week of the 2013 Oscars was filled with a lot of pretty hair, makeup, and nail looks. Let’s go over them, shall we?

Look 1: Stacy Keibler’s glowy Oscars makeup.
stacy-keibler-oscars-makeup

Look 2: Jennifer Lawrence’s lovely smoky eye and romantic updo (for her best-actress win!).
jennifer-lawrence-oscar-makeup

jennifer-lawrence-oscar-hair-back

Look 3: Naya Rivera’s perfect red lips.
naya-rivera-red-lipstick-paley

Look 4: My new nail polish obsession for spring: JINsoon’s Blue Iris.
jin-soon-blue-iris-nail-2

And look 5: Mila Kunis’ stunning makeup at the Oz premiere.
mila-kunis-oz-premiere-makeup

Which is your fave?


Photos: Getty Images, Beth Shapouri

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Как вылечить угри на лицеPimples and blackheads on the face of it is very unpleasant. As you can to cure acne on face and what is the reason of their appearance?” Our recommendations will help you in this.

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Pain in the lumbar region during pregnancy is a common phenomenon. These pains are in the early stages of pregnancy. Naturally, as with any pain they cause concern. And taking into account the specifics of the situation, the excessive excitement can hurt. Worry about the pain is not necessary, … Read More →

couple-toasting

You know how yesterday I told you guys I had plans for the evening? Well, I ended up going out for dinner with a guy I met recently, and the strangest but also kind of delightful thing happened….

A couple across the restaurant sent us drinks! With no explanation—the waiter just brought us two champagne cocktails that he said were from the couple at another table, and they smiled at us in acknowledgement to our thanks, but later left the restaurant without stopping to chat. Now, I’ve had guys send me drinks, on a very rare occasion, but it’s always happened when I was with girlfriends. Well, and once when I was with my dad — remember how awkward that was? But never as part of a couple! (Btw, not that I’m actually in a couple. It was only one dinner! But for purposes of just that evening, I mean.)

I don’t know whether they were celebrating something and feeling generous, or if they were playing the old “Guess what date those two are on?” game, or if maybe we just looked like we desperately needed more drinks, but whatever the reason, score, right? Free drinks! Thanks to the anonymous beverage providers.

Is there some new sort of romantic version of pay it forward I don’t know about? Has this ever happened to any of you on a date?

Other date happenings:
*5 Phrases You Don’t Wanna Hear at the End of a Date (If You Liked the Guy, Anyway)
*16 Things Guys Say They Hate to See You Wear on a First Date
*6 Simple Ways To Pique His Interest On a Date

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Choosing clothes for the baby, you should pay attention to each of its elements. The skin of the child tender, and he is usually quite stable, and therefore, the clothing should not cause him irritation and discomfort. As a rule, the buyer first of all pays attention to the material. … Read More →

Photographed actress famous French master… Read More →

«Shining» show at the fashion week in Paris
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