Елена Шубина:

“You know, obvious, but I’m forty years old, and I want to change that…”

Survived! Earlier such requests commonplace seemed. On the contrary, people who are ready to forty to give up what they have, for the sake of ephemeral peaks, seemed desperate fools, and personally I have caused respect. I proudly put them for examples to others.

But this client is perhaps right. Now with the desire to give up everything and start from scratch live every second. And every third, according to my statistics, begins. Starts and throws. Then again starts… There are, of course, is the overall situation in the country is to blame. How many people went bankrupt, left, how many couples divorced.

But when “I want everything to change” –this is a request to a consultant, and it sounds like it remains to ascertain that the same to this desire it. “You see, my childhood was all decided. Mom is a lawyer, daddy – head of the Department at the law school, I never thought that I could be someone else. Now private practice, all is good… But it seems that something is wrong. Really want to change that”.

I nodded, waiting. In General, a typical theme. People exhausts himself in one activity and the one finds another. The second is usually simpler, connected with the work or transfer of knowledge. Even there is such a theory, which explains why some people at midlife and start to create. The soul gets to a critical mass of spiritual experience, further it has a choice: either to quit or to transform it into something else and make room for a new experience. Creativity is the most rapid and adequate way, so we can say that it prolongs life.


But my client was not creative Hobbies. She felt, rather, apathy: like I used to live not like a new – could not. The family? No, all right. Husband, my children and the son of this year comes, but you want to change… Change that? It is logical to think: maybe a new sense? No, this is incorrect. After informed deliberations came to the conclusion that this kind of debt. Debt itself. “The fact is that I always knew, that I am better than others…”

You know, but it happens often. Successful, bright, beautiful, all get used to being first on the background of friends. And suddenly friend, one after the other, go in flight. One three years in London, started with the cleaning of apartments, now the mistress of the Agency, writes: “You cannot even imagine what hole you live!”

Another married in Spain, the third just gave birth and happy as never before. Looking through the tape of “Facebook”: this yacht under sail, this is conquering Kilimanjaro, people go to parties, organize some events, but you work back home, and so every day. And then there’s these posts from the network, on the theme of “never give up” and “never too late to go towards the dream”. And dream-that is? Nope…

This whole thing. Not everyone basically has that changed! It is irritating thing can be thrown, even if it would have served. And life is harder. Its most profound changes sometimes occur quickly, and frequent change of places and activities may be meaningless and empty.


Rush ahead, toward the goal to win in need, but not always. In a happy life in one place, no less sense than heroic actions. In the end, every day to cook dinner with love – it is also heroism. No, not even that not heroism. Cook every day dinner with love – this is normal! The trouble is that it turns out not all, and in General we have fewer cook… actually, let’s stop considering other!

My client is gradually calmed down, was able to call a spade a spade. No, she don’t want anything to globally change, she loves is the life that he lives. It confused her between self-sufficiency and duty to be better than others. I once looked at his surroundings and was scared that can keep up. What накрутила itself. By the way, was found and the dream – on a yacht, with family, somewhere in the Ionian sea. Remembered that it is absolutely not difficult, and there are even the one who will help organize it. Decided that it is high time for a vacation. Smiled! I thought that deep down, she remained a straight a student, which is important to get the desired estimate, from me and she got it. Of course, this can be a reason for further work, but in counselling it is important to respond to the request.

And how many such who are caught up in benchmarks! When it is difficult to tell what’s good and what is bad, inevitably begin to look at the other. As all people are different. Tried on itself a critical mass of strange images thoughts-all mixed up. Is that even a very solid people are lost from the abundance of correct choices, how can you live. Then and need a psychologist to understand, now you want to change or simply lost your way.


And yet, I note that the human mind is so constructed that is capable to simultaneously develop a limited number of options. Of course the General psychology of you probably know about the RAM, but there are operational thinking, as the ability to solve simultaneously several different tasks. Wondering how to live further, a person mentally launches himself on the different roads. This is not only reflection, but also a loss of energy, so a lot of people are planning something, dream, make plans, but don’t go nowhere. Their strength burn down, comes apathy and this is normal.

Something similar happened to this client. In General, the less you think, the faster you go. Conclusion: considering the future, artificially limit the number of choices. Remember that in all fairy tales hero opened choice of three instead of 33 roads. But that is another topic… I Wish you All often listen to yourself!

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